This book is a lot and I strongly recommend looking up content warnings before starting and making sure you're in the right headspace for it. I went into this expecting it to be devastating - which it was - but it surprised me more with its tenderness. The description says it's about four friends, but really the book centers around one person, Jude, and the people around him as he struggles against a harrowing past that seems to shape his life even in late adulthood. Jude's inability to accept himself as somebody worthy of kindness is a running theme throughout the book - and so is the unconditional kindness that is shown to him by several characters anyway. This book shows not just what it's like to struggle against your own life every day but how difficult it is to watch someone you love go through that struggle, to hold onto to someone who wants to let go. The writing is beautiful, I had to read several lines multiple times simply because I was awed by the author's command over language. It's rare for a 720 paged book that relies heavily on its characters with no clear plot to hold one's attention this well. By no means is this a happy book. In fact, it gets darker and bleaker the further you get into it. It's unflinching in its portrayal of horrifying events but equally attentive to its tender moments. I found its commentary on friendship, aging, disability, mental illness and love to be quite thought provoking. This is a book that will make you feel.